Don't kill my vibe

I hate to bring this up (as it should be a topic forever forgotten or 'dropped' as my mom would put it), but there is no other way for me to get to what I wanted to talk about without talking about this first. #redundancy


I was recently asked by an anonymous person on tumblr regarding how he/she could become my friend. Now I've received quite a handful of these kinds of questions, and I'm flattered really, but I've never really known how to answer them because - I'm telling you now - I literally (YES LITERALLY) don't have an answer to it. There's no foolproof method or way to become my - or anyone's, for that matter - friend.

If you ask my friends how our friendship came to be, they'll all answer you the same way: It just happened. We clicked together. Two people who are both willing to put an effort into a friendship that they've considered worth it. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. And it works. It works because nothing was forced. Nobody asked anybody if they could be friends, because even if I (or the other person) said yes, it would be awkward and there really wouldn't be a common ground for us to stand on. Plus, wouldn't you want to be able to look back one day and say, 'hey man, the story of how we became super duper bffs is really awesome. John Green should seriously write a book about us'? Because I surely do.

I could go on about this topic a lot more, but going back to topic, I (stupidly, I'll admit) answered with a sick joke. One that drew a number of people hiding behind anonymity charge towards my ask box and repeatedly tell me how mean I am (tell me something I don't know already, guys).

Now while I admit my joke was pretty macabre, it is what it is and will remain to be that way. Nothing but a joke, albeit badly misinterpreted. I've had my fair share of misinterpretation, if it isn't obvious yet. I've learned the hard way that things don't translate very well over the internet. But if I had known that people would overreact to my dark sense of humor in a way that was a wee bit more offensive than my joke, I would have stopped my then playful self from typing a message I thought was funny. I see now that isn't remotely the funniest of jokes. I admit my mistake. Maybe I should've said I was kidding, but I didn't think there would be people who were too thick to realize it on their own. I mean, really, guys... REAAAALLY?! I've made that joke quite a number of times before too, and it was mostly greeted by awkward laughs (while they probably thought, 'is she being serious? Why is she not locked up in an asylum yet?'). One time, someone drew a comic of herself doing exactly what I told her to. Some of my friends found it funny, and the girl and I were - for a short period of time - friends. Acquaintances, really, but still.

I explained to the ~*angry anons*~ that I was merely making a joke, but they refused to quit and constantly sent me messages. I don't believe in having to defend myself to strangers who do not want to listen, strongly believe their opinion is right, and will not be told otherwise, and I've never felt compelled to anyway, but I did - for some stupid reason.

It seemed as if the anons refused to stop until I agreed that they were right, and I was wrong. But nope. Nada. Not happening. I've unfortunately inherited the Pineda stubbornness from my father... kidding. Don't blame or get mad at me for your interpretation of what I said. I'm sorry if I used the wrong words, or constructed my sentence wrongly, but that does not give you the right to rudely berate me for it. Everything is subject to interpretation, but nobody's opinion is ever correct except for - unfortunately - the artist (when it comes to paintings or works of art) or whoever said whatever.

Okay, stop. The thing I said back there is probably going to get badly misinterpreted again. I can almost see the anonymous messages flooding my inbox (I made a mental note to disable it right after this post): 'Why do you always think you're right? *insert shallow insults here*'

Here I am admitting my own fault and shoving it into the daylight in all its ugly glory. My joke was stupid, I know. I apologize to the anonymous person wanting to be my friend, but you kind of got yourself into that one. While I've said before that there are no requirements to being my friend (I'm still shocked some people want to be my friend, because I've been used to being a nobody here in my town up until this point), but if you can't handle my dark humor and occasional offensive jokes (A.K.A. my way of showing affection, because we all have different ways of showing it), then it's really REALLY not going to work out. I'm not the nicest person in the world, so to anyone wanting to be my friend, are you reaaaaaaaally sure you can handle me? Nothing is ever as pretty or easy as it seems. I'm a lot - too much, even - to handle. Being friends with me requires a lot of patience. Ask my mom. :P There was a quick exchange of messages, with people reminding me of how mean I was (I already know guys. It's just how I am. I'm naturally mean, but I rarely mean what I say. Also, I'm trying to change how I am, but you can't teach a fourteen year old dog new tricks... It's nothing personal, so don't take it to heart if I'm ever mean to you!). So then I said that this was the internet, and that one can never be too sensitive which someone responded to with the main topic of this post (FINALLY). If you're the one who sent me this message, I hope you're pretty flattered because I can't thank you enough for making me realize a few things.

'People have feelings behind the internet too, or behind the computer rather.'

And I completely agree with you, my dearest anon. But why is it that this only occurs to people when someone is being mean to them, and not when they're being mean to others? I've had hundreds - if not thousands - of hate messages belittling me, telling me I don't deserve what I have, that I should be kicked out of 1DPH (lol never happening), and that my achievements were only gained due to my family's "wealth." (Stop dragging money into everything. It's not a proper excuse to hate on someone) I've been called so so many names, been the subject of jokes much more absurd than the one I made, and I've been publicly ridiculed... Where was that whole 'feelings behind the computer' excuse then? Did it not occur to everyone that I'm an actual living, breathing human being with feelings too? Why are you guys allowed to be mean to me, and not vice versa? I apologize to my mother in advance for the vulgarity. I know it's not nice, mom, but I don't know how else to emphasize how full of complete and utter shit that is. I'm not exactly fazed by all the hate I get, because I've said so many times before that I try not to think of it and continue to live my life the way I normally do. A lion does not lose sleep over the opinion of sheep, yes? The internet is a big part of my life, and I'm assuming the same goes for everyone. But at the end of the day, we have to learn how to distance ourselves from the world wide web, and the real world.

The internet and everything within it are merely billions pixels displayed on a screen. Everything is digital. Nothing is ever physical. Messages exchanged will be archived, lost, and forgotten within time. This is why I said that you can never be too sensitive on the internet - because strangers on it just take the millions of pixels they receive from you and assume things. They assume they know who you are, and then proceed to judge you based on what they've collected. It's okay to feel bad. For heaven's sake, if you don't feel awful in the slightest bit, then I'm assuming you're a robot. But if you take it personally - if you take a stranger's opinion of you, or a rude remark personally, then you're subject to lead quite a depressing life. If you spend time worrying, stressing, or fussing about something on the internet, I'm telling you know - you are wasting minutes, if not hours, of your precious time. Next time someone is mean to you on the internet, delete the message if possible, block the person, ignore it as much as you can, get off your laptop/computer, go outside, and LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BECAUSE YOUR HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE. IT'S THE ONE AND ONLY FOOLPROOF METHOD OF GETTING YOUR HATERS TO STOP.... FOR THE MEAN TIME, AT LEAST, BUT THE NEXT TIME IT HAPPENS, YOU SHOULD JUST REPEAT WHAT I SAID UNTIL YOU GET USED TO IT AND STOP CARING. REPEAT UNTIL YOU ARE ABLE TO BRUSH IT OFF, GET BACK ON YOUR FEET, AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE MEAN, AND IF YOU DON'T LEARN THAT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, THEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE SAD A LOT MORE OFTEN THAN YOU SHOULD. I DON'T WANT MY READERS TO BE SAD. SO PLEASE TRY IT. IT WORKS. I'M SERIOUS. I'VE TRIED IT. I PUT THAT IN ALL CAPS SO YOU GET HOW SERIOUS I'M BEING. I'M SORRY FOR SCREAMING IN YOUR HEAD.

People love assuming things about other people, and then proceeding to believe in the idea that they've made up (otherwise known as putting the person up in a pedestal). Then they get mad at said person when he/she turn out to be the opposite of what they expected. Then it's another never-ending cycle. One that I am quite frankly sick and tired of.

Don't call me a hypocrite, because I've also assumed and judged and hated on people (although not to an extent, and not recently, of course). I've done my fair share, so I'm not pointing any fingers. I'm not a victim, begging for pity. I'm pretty sure we're all guilty, one way or another. I know people get a thrill out of fights. The adrenaline rush is exciting, isn't it? (But I really really think you should get a kick out of something else, like rollercoasters or something) But fights on the internet - at least the ones I've apparently been a part of - have been pretty one-sided, meaning it was someone trying to get a rude reaction out of me to use against me in the future, and failing because AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' DAT. I try to avoid drama as much as possible, but posting so much as a photo of something - anything, really - that I've recently purchased gets people riled up and ready to attack me. I don't get it, really. If you don't like someone, or something, then why do you spend so much time ridiculing it instead of praising the things you like or love?

I've noticed this about the whole Chicser thing too, but I do not wish to comment on that... I'm receiving enough hate as it is already. ;)

Anyway... I've obviously been side-tracked. This post started out as nothing more of me discussing an experience I recently had, and somewhere along the lines, it evolved into a rant. Sorry you had to witness that. The words were just begging to be said. The feelings I've been suppressing for so long are now out in the open. (Please don't) Come at me bro. (I'm serious. Dont'. It's not worth it. I'm also too tired to respond to angry messages. I love you all. Bye.) P.S.: Follow my keek... please?