C'est la vie is French for 'That's life.' Words cannot express - cannot justify - just how relevant this is to me. I have always lead life with both hands firmly gripping the steering wheel. No one was going to take control of my life but me, and even as a child, I knew this already. I have long convinced myself that I was going to make things happen, regardless of whether or not it was for myself or others. I was and still am hellbent on making this idea come true.
Lately, however, I have found myself allowing nature to take its own course. Don't get me wrong; I'm not letting go of the steering wheel. It's more like sitting back in the driver's seat with auto-pilot on, taking the time out to relax, think things over, reevaluate my life so far, and enjoy the view as I am driven (albeit slowly) to where I need to be. As scary as it may sound, some things are just out of our control, and forcing the matter into our hands will only worsen the current situation. Que sera, sera (whatever will be, will be). We will always end up right where we are meant to be, regardless of whether or not the present proves to makes sense. It all will in the end, anyway, right? That's what they all say.
That's what I'm trying to convince myself.
Even though I am slowly learning to let go one day at the time (with the quotes "if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be" and "if it's meant to be, it will be" in mind), I still can't help but grieve over the friendship lost and memories disregarded like used tissues. And I know, I know... Some people walk into your life to teach you a lesson, yadda yadda yadda. It's just disappointing to know that the last person you expected to, the one you trusted the most out of everyone (excluding my mother), the one who knew you better more than you knew yourself, would just walk out of your life for such a shallow reason. Just like that. Boom. Gone.
I think it's safe to say that everyone has gone through a similar situation at least once in their life. We've all lost a friend before. Some moved on to bigger and brighter things quicker than others. Some remained hung up. I've lost a lot of friends before, and it never took me too long to bounce back into my usual self (seeing as I've never held grudges). However, I'm afraid I'll never fully get over losing a best friend quite like this one.
But I'll try. I will always care for the said person, like how an older sister would to a sibling, but to remain friends would do us no good. We are better off this way, having ended in a mutual understanding (or so I hope) that the friendship is no longer working out. We are lucky enough to have closure, as opposed to the friendship just fading away with numerous questions unanswered, and countless 'what ifs' haunting our minds.
I cannot thank you (you know who you are) for all the memories - both the good and bad. You have taught me a lot of things, life lessons that I will carry on with me into adulthood. You have helped me learn more about myself and the world than any other person aside from my mother, whether or not you know it. And while I am slightly disappointed that you were the first to go and the one I least expected to leave, I wish you all the best. I hope that you will stand by your decisions and be happy with whatever road it leads you to. The choices you make are final, and there is no turning back now at this point. Please never forget all the good my family and I have done for you, and we won't forget what you have done for us either. And to my readers: if any of you are going through or have gone through, or think they will soon go through a similar situation, I hope you guys have picked up a thing or two from this post. If things ended badly, then be the better person. No petty indirects or vulgar Facebook statuses, regardless if they're doing it to you. Vindication awaits you. Karma, you know? Hahaha. If you can't respect the person, then respect the friendship/relationship you had with the person. Always remember that things happen for a reason. Not just any reason either, but a good one. I can't tell you exactly what it's for, as I don't know either, but I promise you that it will all make sense one day, and that the people in your life and the ones who have long gone will and have served a purpose to lead you right where you belong. Love and appreciate the people in your life, seeing as tomorrow they might no longer be there (not necessarily death, but you catch my drift, right?).
But then again, if they leave, then allow them to be just another lesson learned. C'est la vie.
On a less serious note, I have no sleep which explains the super duper deep post. I'm doing my best to follow my own advice written above, and I think I suck at it. But whatevs. Pugs, not drugs, right? I braved the Philippine heat earlier on this morning, in this more European vacation-appropriate outfit, trying my best not to sweat like a pig. I bought the sweater in Australia, where the weather was still cold enough for me to wear it during the day and not die of a heatstroke. Wearing it in the Philippines, however, is an entirely different story. The Philippines is a country-sized sauna at full blast.
P.S.: I made a stop motion video with photos from today!