"Let the sun rise
Let the birds sing
Let there be light
Let there be morning"
Yesterday, I woke up at 8 PM. I was unable to see the sunlight leak through the windows of my bedroom, due to having fallen asleep at 5 AM that same day. I tended to oversleep whenever I felt particularly sad - with or without a reason. I'm guessing it was my defense mechanism mixed with my laziness and love of sleeping. It's not that I was physically tired, really. I didn't need to 'rest', seeing as all I've done this week is sit at home, talk to my friends on Facebook, and watch movies.
It's more of my subconscious telling me: "If you sleep long enough to wake up by the time everyone's about to go to bed, then you've just avoided a day's worth of social interaction." But don't get me wrong. I am not anti-social, or a loner of any sort. If you ask my friends, they'll honestly tell you that I am one of the loudest, most annoying person out there, and that I never run out of things to say.
I think - and I say this because I'm not quite sure either - the only thing I really want to avoid is all the attention I'm receiving on social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook. I know, I know - you don't have to go on if you don't want to. But see, I do want to go on. I love interacting with people I wouldn't have had the chance to speak to had it not been for the internet. It's just that I am - without a doubt - mentally tired of dealing with all the bullshit people throw at me for no reason. They try to justify their hate by using my flaws against me, only to crash and burn like an improperly lit firework due to my blasé response to everything. Because really, you can only be called fat or pathetic so many times until you just roll your eyes and either choose to live with it or improve yourself. People who point out my flaws only make it easier for me to become a better person, but it's funny (note: sarcasm) how most of the people who (try to) give me a hard time are people I do not know personally, or at all. These people seem to think they know enough about me to judge, but truth of the matter is that all they know really about me is what I want them to.
Had I not told you I woke up at 8 PM yesterday, you wouldn't have known at all. Everything you know about me, I have chosen to share with you, and people need to learn how to respect that and stop being nosy. People need to remember that, more often than not, what you receive from me are just a couple of pixels on the internet, forming letters, words, and sentences. They could still be greatly misinterpreted, and what you make of it will never be the same of what other people did. It's not just me either; this goes for other people who are going through the same thing. It is just like being given a gift; is it not proper courtesy to not ask for the price?
|The beautiful necklace (ate) Eula had gotten me from Bangkok|
In my previous post, you may or may not have seen the bit where I briefly spoke about all the anonymous hate messages I've been receiving. It started out as a spark that grew into a small flame, until finally becoming the wildfire that it is now. A lot of people my age seem to get a kick out of pointing out my flaws and making a deal about it, somehow forgetting that they, too, had their own. In their own little arrogant minds, they seemed to think their opinion mattered. They get a high out of hiding behind anonymity, using 'freedom of speech,' 'just saying,' and 'honesty' as their excuse. It is silly of them to not realize that one is never really anonymous on the internet. They seem to think that their actions are justifiable, but making someone feel bad to make you feel better about yourself never is. A friendly reminder: you are only able to hide behind anonymity because I let you. If I disabled it or took away your internet, then what do you have? Nothing but spite.
Some people have accused me of being stupid due to taking a year off of school, but what point is there in school if all the important lessons go in through one ear and out the other? Did you just happen to zone out on the bit where your teacher or parent taught you that if you had nothing to say, then it is better to say nothing at all?
I was never one to care about what other people say about me to begin with, though. Never have, never will. Unless you were someone important to me, then your opinion of me does not matter. It's both a good and a bad thing, although more of the former as it really makes sleeping easier at night. I don't stress over what people say, but lately though, I've found myself extremely paranoid due to the sudden realization that there is a slight chance that someone out there is talking about me right now, and I will never know what he or she is saying. It's a pretty vain of me to think that way, but I have had a lot of people tell me that other people in their school talk about me. I used to find it funny because I was a nobody, but now it's gotten slightly out of hand. I know you're probably thinking, "if you can't handle the heat, then get out of the kitchen." But here's the thing: I am my father's daughter.
Growing up, my parents would always joke about how much of a tough girl I was. They would always call me by my father's name, saying I had my mother's face, but my father's attitude. Despite how feminine I may come across, when it comes to things such as fights (however petty it was) and the like, I would always know how to defend myself properly. Of course, I'm not saying I've always been the better person in every situation. I've had my bad guy moments here and there, like everyone else (news flash: I'm just like you!). But recently, I've found myself asking myself, "what would mom do?" in hopes that it would lead me to the right and mature path in whatever situation I find myself in. It works 99% of the time... not that I always push through with it.
The reason behind this is because my mom is one of the nicest - if not the nicest - people I know. No matter how many times she has been shoved to the ground, she still manages to get right back to her feet with a brighter smile than the one before. I could only dream of being as good of a person as she is.
She is the type of woman people write books and make movies about. She is not perfect, no, but she is close to it... And I'm not just saying that. She always tells me that at the end of every awful situation, is vindication. And as usual, she proves that mother does know best. I've admittedly doubted her a lot of times, but it's rare for her to be wrong when it came to dealing with subjects such as other people and the shit they like putting other people through.
We fight a lot, to tell you the truth, but I wouldn't have asked for a better mom to guide me through my teenage years. It scares me to know that she will one day be just another memory... let's not even go there!
And with that being said, I should probably get back to my point.
It is never okay to make someone feel bad about him/herself. No matter what your reason is, it will never be a good enough excuse to say hurtful things to that person. We cannot help it, but we must always try not to judge other people because we will never truly know what he/she is going through. You never know. Maybe the person you're hating on is suicidal, and that anonymous message you sent telling them to kill him/herself was the last straw. Do you really want to be the reason behind someone taking his/her own life? Everyone has their own problem; try not to add up to it. :-) Moving on, here's another fun fact about myself: it is 9:45 AM and I have yet to sleep since I woke up at 8 PM yesterday. This explains the sudden burst of motivation to do anything and everything that occurs to me every time I lack proper rest. I'm trying to make up for the wasted day yesterday, which I spent sleeping in bed. But let's be honest: I am never getting that day back. I will never be as old and as young (at the same time!) as I was on that day, the same way I will never be as old and as young as I am today in the future.
"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."
I'm sorry for going all deep and philosophical on you guys there. I don't know where all that stuff came from, but you can expect more of it in the future... if I'm not lazy. :-P
Anyway, here's a little bit of background on my outfit before I leave you guys: I got the sweater from Penshoppe, which I modeled during the #1DAllDayFanFair event. We got to keep the things we modeled, so if Penshoppe ever comes across this post - this is me expressing my sincerest of gratitude to you guys: OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH THANKS MWAH
As for the white dress underneath, it's a Christmas gift from my brother and his wife. It's really beautiful, but I was unfortunately lazy by the time I wanted to shoot without the sweater over it. It's flow-y and reminds me a lot of Greek goddesses. It's made out of chiffon fabric, so it's really breezy, and I don't have to worry about sweating too much under the blazing hot Philippine sun (not that I go out a lot). So... thanks to my brother and his wife for getting me this really pretty dress! :-)
More photos here.
Sweater from Penshoppe, Dress from H&M, Boots from Dr. Martens, Rings from Cache Cache, Necklace from Eula